197: Reaching Young Families In An Older Church: What Small Churches Can Really Offer

If your church feels “too old” or “too small” to reach young families, this episode is packed with simple, practical ideas you can try this week. 

We’re talking about how small churches can connect with young families—not by doing more, but by showing up differently. It’s not about flashy programs or keeping up with trends. 

It’s about presence, warmth, and creating spaces where tired parents feel seen, supported, and safe. Because maybe your steady, faithful little church is exactly what they need right now.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why waiting for young families to “wander in” doesn’t work anymore
• Where to actually find families in your community and how to connect with no strings attached
• How to welcome families once they walk through the door
• Why small, older churches might be the most relevant ones of all

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Transcript

Laurie Graham: 0:01

Hey, welcome to the small church ministry podcast, where we help volunteers and ministry leaders experience less stress, more joy and greater impact as we share strategies that actually do work in smaller churches. I'm your host. Laurie Graham, let's dive in. La Hey, hey, welcome back to the small church ministry Podcast. I'm Laurie, and I want to start today with a question that a lot of people are asking in our churches today. How do we reach young families when our church feels older, smaller and maybe even a little tired? I have so much to share with you today, but before we jump in, I want to say that last month's lead, well, conference was incredible. It was seriously such a fun and meaningful weekend. Now, last week, I heard from a new listener to the podcast, and he had found us in September, and he said something like, Hey, I know your podcast is for women, but there's actually a lot of great stuff in here for men too. And I was like, Yes, we totally agree. Just to clarify, during September, we did take a little extra time to focus on women in small churches, since that was our conference theme. So if that is when you found this podcast, it probably did look like we were only speaking to women, but this podcast, and honestly, our whole ministry is really for everyone. We've got men, women, pastors, ministry leaders, volunteers, worship leaders, board members, you name it. And these people listen every single week, because what we're talking about here is emotionally healthy, Jesus style, ministry, leadership skills help for programming, planning and honestly, just being better humans together. And that is not just for one group. Every now and then, we will take a month to highlight a certain theme, like children's ministry in April, or women in leadership in September, but the heart of what we teach applies to anyone who's trying to serve well in a smaller church. So if you are serving in a smaller church, or maybe you just share the same struggles we talk about here, and you're in a little bit of a bigger church, we've got that too. So welcome. You belong here because hopeful, grounded, effective, Jesus style ministry that is not a woman thing, that's an everyone thing. So let's do it today. We're talking about reaching families now, if your congregation is mostly retirees, or maybe your pews feel emptier than they used to, or you're quietly wondering if your church is a little too old or too out of touch to even matter to young families anymore. I want to tell you something. You are not invisible and you're not out of the game. Small churches, even older churches, have something to offer that families desperately need, and it is not flashy and is not a giant kids wing. It is not competing with tick, with tick tock or Disney or the mega church down the road. It's just presence. It's community, it's stability, it's real, and those things, these are rare gifts in today's world. So let's just say it honestly, if we're sitting inside our sanctuaries and we're just hoping that young families are going to wander in, wander in, this is not going to work. That might have worked in the 50s or 60s, but it is not today's reality. Families are different now than they used to be, and I think we need to quit begrudging that like let's just look at the reality, instead of saying it shouldn't be this way. Families are busier than ever. Most of them are not waking up on Sunday morning thinking, let's find a small church to go to. They are waking up thinking, who has practiced today? Did I pack the lunches? Do we need snacks? Are the uniforms clean? What's for dinner. When am I going to sleep? So if our strategies in reaching young families is wait and hope they show up, we are all going to be really disappointed. But if our strategy is let's understand them. Let's meet them where they are. Let's offer them what they actually need. Now we're starting to sound a little more like Jesus. Like Jesus never sat in one spot, like have you ever thought about that when we really look at New Testament stories? He didn't sit around and wait for people to find him. He went to the wells. He went to the fishing boats, the dinner tables. He walked, he showed up in ordinary places and offered something that people actually needed. I wish we did the same a lot more often, instead of sitting in our churches, offering things for people to come to. Jesus showed up in ordinary places where people already were before we go much further in this show, I just want to pause and be really clear about something. If you have listened to me for any length of time, you already know this, but I want to say it again out loud, I am not telling you that you need to bring in young families in order to have a thriving church. That is not my belief system at all. I believe that small churches come in all shapes and sizes. Some are full of grandparents. Some are mostly single adults. Some are rural, some are bilingual, some are focused on the homeless or a recovery ministry. We are all part of the same kingdom, and every single church is valuable. So please don't hear this episode as here's how to get young families in the door. I think that thinking gets really short sighted really fast, and honestly, it edges pretty close to manipulation. Our job is not to grow our local churches to look a certain way. Our job is to love others well, to see them, to meet them where they are. And I really believe our job is to build No Strings Attached relationships. No Strings Attached relationships, that's what Jesus did. So yes, let's share the hope that we have. But the goal isn't to fill our churches, our local churches, it's to love people faithfully and trust God with the results or the outcome. Do what we do and trust God with the rest. So let's ask the better question as we talk about families, not how do we get them in our church, but what do families need right now? And this is what I'm seeing families need community. Parents can feel incredibly isolated, even with social media. Tons of moms and dads feel like they are doing this alone. Lots of extended families live very far away. Parenting is really isolating. Oftentimes. Another thing that families need is they need safety, not just physical safety, although that matters, but emotional safety too. Hear this. They need to know that their kids won't be judged for wiggling, crying or being loud. It's true. Families need flexibility. Families today don't have a lot of margin, as I talked about earlier. It is a different time if church feels like one more heavy obligation families quietly step back. Families also need encouragement. Parenting is exhausting. Sometimes the most spiritual thing we can say to a mom or dad is, you're doing a great job. We are here for you. Have you ever thought about that? Sometimes that's the most spiritual encouragement we can give. Now notice what's not on the list. I just said that families need community, they need safety, they need flexibility, they need encouragement. What's not on the list? Flashy programs, big events, endless activities. Families do not need more noise. They need more presence. And presence is one of the most beautiful things that small churches can give, and it's exactly what we have to offer. So how do we make this real? Okay, getting a little bit practical. We create entry points that actually meet a felt need. Please hear that again. We create entry points. We don't have to create big programs, but entry points, we create entry points and we offer them. So let's paint a picture. Imagine an older congregation that says we can't run a giant youth program, but we could host a mom and me play morning once a month. Just picture the fellowship hall with a few toys and some coffee, some juice boxes, kids playing, moms are chatting, grandparents are smiling. That's ministry, or maybe it looks like showing up at a local library once a week and your church hosts a craft table, a couple of older ladies are. Gentlemen with glue sticks and colored paper ready to help little hands make something beautiful while their mom or dad gets to breathe a few feet away to take a breath. This is not that hard, but it is meaningful, and it is an entry point Maggie, maybe it's as simple as opening your church doors on a rainy day for an indoor play morning, no program, just space. The Guardian, the parent stays, maybe some snacks, or maybe you're in a place in your church where you could offer a babysitting night once a month so parents can have a date or even just take a nap and chill. What a gift that would be. And don't hear babysitting night 40 kids in the door. Maybe it's two families. Maybe it's having a lemonade table on the soccer field, or adopting a sports team and being the one that brings the snacks the adopted grandparents? Do you know what pressure that would eliminate from a team and all the parents running around, doing the sign up sheets, trying to figure out if they're the one bringing snack that day for a team of 12 kids? It's very possible that your church, your small group, could meet that need and build relationships, no strings attached. Now, none of these ideas require a ton of energy or even a polished program or a ton of planning. Each of them do require some thoughtfulness. It requires us asking, What do families or what do parents around us actually need? What do we already have that could meet a need, and most of the time, what we already have might be a building, might be some older adults with a little bit of time, adults who love kids. A lot of times, what we have is a heart to love the next generation, and that is enough. I really want you to hear that that is enough. So let's talk about how to even connect with families in the first place, as mentioned earlier, waiting for them to magically appear at your church doors on Sunday morning. That's not going to happen, going to where they already are. That's a total possibility. It could be the playground, the library, story hour, the sideline of kids sports games, the soccer field on social media. This might look like the parent Facebook group, by the way. That is everywhere. We all have those. But here is the thing, when we do show up, we do not show up to recruit this is so important that is people see through that it's there's so much I'm trying to say this without saying this because I don't believe it's intentional, but there's a manipulative edge of that that puts our heads and our hearts in the wrong spot when we show up thinking we're going to connect with people, to get them to come to our church eventually, or even to connect with them, to get them to fall in love with Jesus. There's an edge of that that puts our hearts and our heads in a different space. But when we can show up places, to connect with people, to show up and say, we're here. We see we care about you. It's so different. And this is where I've seen most of the churches that I've seen that have positive partnerships and relationships with local schools. This is how they built it. They showed up to connect and to serve with no strings attached. We're here. We see you. We care. Because when people trust that, when they trust you, when they trust me, the door to conversations about Jesus or about, you know, events that might be taking place in your church or your church in general. It's an easier step, but it's an outflowing of a relationship. It's not the purpose, it's not the point, it's not the motivation. If you can. To flip that in your mind, in your heart, in those that you serve with it, in the people in your church. If we can change this part of our cultural need in our churches when and sometimes there's like, almost a desperation, like we need to grow or our church is going to disappear, by the way, I talked about that on an episode not too long ago, about when we feel like our churches are dying, when we can release that something changes, when we can show up just to love on people. But we go and find them. We go and hang out where they are. Now, listen, if you if you have an issue with soccer teams or with families, like choosing soccer over the church, that's not your place to go hang out because you've already got something there, but find a place that makes you happy where you can connect with these kids and families. Also, if you're a reader again, the local library partnering with schools after school, tutoring programs, many of our local schools are desperate for help and volunteers in so many ways. Let's show up where the families already are. Other community programs. Oh, I have so many ideas popping through my head. That's what happens when you've got this ADHD thing going on. I just thought about the places where they hand out food, or some of the food box programs where they're bringing in vegetables. And, like, we have some of those that'll set up. And, like, in kind of school parking lots sometimes. And I'm thinking about some of those places where families will go to to get needs met. You know, maybe it's clothing or things like that. What about setting up a table there and having that color table for kids who are walking into places in tow from their parents with a little bit of shame and embarrassment to get food, to get clothing, to get other needs met. And what if local churches could be that little, that little spot of joy of just serving and coloring sheets or, oh gosh, okay, let's get back to get back to the episode. Okay, sorry about that old side shoot there. I do want to make sure to talk about what happens when families actually do walk in the doors of the church. Because sometimes we've prayed for them to come, we've made connections, we've invited but when they do come, we were not ready for them. And here are a few simple things you can do in your church, even this week, that can make a big difference for when that family does walk in the door, create a kid's corner. Now this doesn't have to be fancy, it doesn't have to be huge. It could be a little rug set in a corner. It could be in the back of your worship center. It could be in the foyer area, just a little rug with some coloring books or a basket of toys. And what this Kids Corner does is it says we thought of you. We were waiting for you. Another thing that makes a big difference, super simple, train your greeters and even your members in your congregation to smile at noise instead of scowl. Okay, you know what I'm talking about, kids in the service, kids in the hallway, they're gonna wiggle. Babies will cry. It is not a disruption, it's life. Many of us have been there with our own kids, in a grocery store, in a church, and as soon as there is a disruptive noise, we get a look. You've probably been on the receiving end of that, and you've probably been on the giving end of that. This is something we need to train people for, because there's a reaction and there's a response, and when we can bring it to some awareness, it can make a big difference. So train your greeters. Train the members of your church to smile at noise instead of frown at it. So create a Kids Corner in your church. Train your greeters to smile at noise. A third great thing that is so simple is to offer a simple space to linger. I know many of us have that in our churches, coffee, lemonade. Can you also make it kid friendly and family friendly? Maybe there's an easy, easy to grab cookie instead of just coffee. Can you have something for the kids too, of all ages? And we're not trying to show off our space, which is why it doesn't matter what it looks like. All we're doing is we're trying to give parents an excuse to stay for a little calm. Conversation and a little bit of a breathing time. And if we don't make that space family friendly, the younger families will walk out the door. And the last thing I want to say about making your churches family friendly is just be prepared and be ready to say we are so glad you're here, not under your breath saying we wish more families would come. Can we just embrace the people who are walking in, the people who are right in front of us, instead of wishing others were there. So be prepared to say we're so glad you're here. When families walk into your church, they don't want to feel like a project. They just want to feel like people and like you're ready for them. So yeah, so let's kind of end on this. Small churches, even older ones, we don't need to compete with the bigger church down the street. We don't need to out program anyone. We don't need to try to show up like Disney because we're not. We don't need to be anything that we're not. The best thing we can do is offer what is rare in our culture today, what people aren't finding anywhere else, really stability, presence, genuine community, a safe place to breathe, where we are accepted, where we are loved, where people see us, not as a project, not as someone to recruit, but as people to love. Your church can be the church that helps families take a deep breath. Your church the church we can be the ones that say your kids belong here, Wiggles and all. Can we be the church that reminds parents who are exhausted and overstretched? Can we be the church that reminds parents you're not alone? This? Is what relevance looks like today. This is what your church being relevant looks like today, about seeing people families for who they are and where they are and where they're struggling and what they need. When you think about your church. If your church feels too old or too small or too tired or just not relevant, please hear this. You matter. You can totally reach young families, and maybe, just maybe, your steadiness, your showing up, is the very thing they need most. I would love to hear what you do, what has worked in your church. This is how we support each other in our community at small church ministry, this is how we get encouraged. Not just you hearing from me on the podcast, not just you hearing from other guests who pop in, but it's also us hearing from you. Please jump into our free Facebook community if you are not there yet. It's called creative solutions for small churches, we share the wins, we share the struggles, we share the challenges, and we move forward together. The link for our free Facebook community is in the show notes, but let us know what is working now, what has worked in your church, what you've tried. We just had several posts going on in there about the community festivals and people sharing what they've done at a booth, or how they've shown up, or what they've done to serve. So if you have found encouragement from this episode of the small church ministry podcast, if you're a regular listener or a first timer, would you please take a minute just to leave a review of this episode? Give us some stars, but those written words, the reviews that you leave, actually help more small churches find the hope and the help that they are so desperately looking for. Small church ministry is not less. But it is very different, all right, until next week, be a light.