154: 5 Simple Steps To Stop Othering And Start Including | Accessibility & Inclusion Series Part 6

This episode wraps up our small church series about accessibility and inclusion with five steps we can all take to create more welcoming spaces for everyone, no matter their background, abilities, or differences.

Whether you're a volunteer, Sunday School teacher, deacon, or pastor, these practical tips will help us all be more mindful of the difference we can make in helping people know they belong.


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Transcript

Laurie Acker: 0:01

Hey, this is Laurie Acker, welcome to the small church ministry podcast. Hey, welcome to episode 154 of the small church ministry podcast. We are actually wrapping up a series on accessibility and inclusion. We have had some amazing guests over the past few weeks. If our if you are new to this podcast or even just catching up, please go back to Episode 149, you're going to want to start there in the series as we kicked it off. It's going to give you some better context on what we've been covering and why, and it's just a great place to start, as I mentioned, this is the the finality. This is the wrap up of this series. Now I've know, I've said it before, and I will say it again. This, this series on accessibility, inclusion and belonging. It is vital. It's essential, in my opinion, to doing ministry the way that Jesus did. Most of our churches are not reflective of the population around us, and we wonder why. But the way that that we have structured ourselves, the way our building is the way that we speak our language. We're doing things that inadvertently keep people from feeling like they belong or they are welcome. You know, Jesus was a total includer. I think about the way that so much of his ministry was on the street or outside or on a hillside while he was walking around, and I just wonder how much of that led to more people being included or feeling welcome. It wasn't just the people who were showing up to the temple or to the church today, but he was surrounded by people who were poor, who were non religious, those with disabilities, people who were ostracized, people who were outcasts. Jesus wasn't a respecter of persons or prestige. Now do I think that we need to close all our building down and just go out to the street, not necessarily, but there are things that we can do in our buildings, in our communities, that would literally lead to better accessibility and inclusion and belonging with people who are even trying to get in. If you've listened to the last few episodes, you heard stories of people who were trying to be included in the church, trying to pursue their faith, but finding places that were less than welcoming. Today's episode is titled, simple steps, five simple steps to stop othering and start including, you know, one thing I've mentioned in the past few podcasts are how so many of our churches are just not reflective of the population that's even around us. You know, as Rebecca wall mentioned in her episode when we talked about doing ministry with people with disabilities, one in four people, this is statistics. One in four people have a disability. So the question would be, do one in four people in our churches have a disability? Are we providing a community a place that's accessible and welcoming to people with disabilities. Now, maybe one in four people in our churches don't have a disability, but what about even one in 40? We are falling short of being places of accessibility and inclusion. We talked about mobility, we talked about wheelchairs, disabilities, different socio economic divisions or walls that are built up just within our communities. Now our aim is not to say that every church needs to have equal number of people with all sorts of diversity like, how could that even be possible? But could we take steps to get rid of some barriers, easy steps, simple steps. Could we make some changes that let people know that church maybe is a welcome place for them? As we wrap up this series, I just want to talk about a couple other common, maybe not as dramatic or large issues, but they are important in areas of belonging or inclusion. I'm just going to mention some that we didn't have time or make space to talk about, because we definitely can't do an entire year series. Well, I'm sure we could fill it in this area of accessibility and inclusion, but in episode 150 we talked about mobility with our guest, Joanne Peterson. In Episode 151 we talked specifically about neurodiversity, even with adults. Thank you. Pastor, Ruth Popkin, who joined us for that episode, episode 152 as I mentioned, we talk about. Abilities with Rebecca wall, and just in this last episode, we talked about unchurched youth, non traditional families with Sandy Smith and and how we inadvertently do things, say things, or even put programs together that really contribute to people feeling less than or like they're the ones on the outside. But this was just a sampling other episodes we could have dedicated to this same conversation would have been an episode on chronic pain like fibromyalgia, MS, arthritis, migraine disorders. We could have talked an entire episode on anxiety or mood disorders panic. How many people? What is the percentage of friends or people you know that struggle with that, that sometimes that keeps them home on a Sunday or keeps them away from certain events that we put on in our churches. What about an episode on mental illness like borderline or schizophrenia or bipolar or depression? I could have definitely filled an entire episode with things like PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, whether it is from childhood, military service, being, you know, experiencing natural disasters. What about an episode just on allergies, like fragrances? Or, how about those cursed Easter lilies that some people can't be near the church when there's Easter lilies? Sensory issues, dietary issues, which I mentioned in the earliest episode, when I mentioned that my daughter is gluten free, dairy free, and how much othering she has experienced along the way, even growing up as a pastor's kid in a small church, other issues with diets are even diabetes. How many people struggle with diabetes and we have cookie nights or days when it's just filled with things that keep them on the outside. Now, as I mentioned, because we can't dedicate a year of podcasts to go through every different, I don't know idea or situation where people can feel othered or on the outside, where we can hear stories and idea share and problem solve. I want to wrap up this series with five steps to take in any area, in any issue, even in many that we haven't even talked about that I didn't even mention, but five steps by principle that we can take to stop othering and start including now for many of us in our churches, in our communities, even with ourselves, this is turning the ship, and it could be Slow. This is cultural change for many of our churches, this is not an overnight thing where all of a sudden we're going to be this amazingly inclusive place and we can accommodate everything. That's not what we're talking about, but we are talking about baby stepping into this in a way where we're moving toward more inclusion and more belonging. So we're going to talk about five steps to take to stop othering. Now, if othering is a new term for you, othering is simply when people are treated as different or other or separate from the rest of the group. What happens with this oftentimes is that they feel excluded or less than or not considered or like, their issues, their needs, aren't as important. It's just kind of a little bit of a mindset, like we're not like them, or they're not like us. Sometimes it's disability, sometimes it's gender, sometimes it's background, sometimes it's it's experiences that make us feel othered. But I just want to say in a Jesus style ministry, that othering creates barriers where people don't feel welcome, oftentimes they feel invisible or unseen or not considered. And we don't want to do that. We want to value people regardless of any differences. I believe this is so Jesus like that. It's essential. So here are five steps no matter what you're facing, what you're looking at, who we're looking at, including five steps we can take in any situation with any type of difference, or even any type of questioning, like, like, what's happening here? Why don't why doesn't this person feel. Included or belonging or even with ourselves. So okay, let's jump into the five steps. The first step is awareness. We need to grow in awareness of others, awareness of issues, awareness of differences, but also our own self awareness. Have you ever considered your own biases? I'll never forget when I read the book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. I was a young adult at the time, and he went through all these unconscious biases, the way that we make rapid, snap judgments, we're not even aware of it. Check out that book if you haven't yet. But being aware of our own bias is so important, I'll tell you one of the ways that we can, I don't know, be a little aware if you ever want to say this. Well, when I was a kid, I didn't do that, or that is really, it's showing a bias. It's showing an experiential type thing, right? Sometimes we talk about that with, I don't know, kids wearing hats these days or being on our phones, that those really can be part of our biases when we're not really looking toward understanding a different culture or a different experience. But step one really is growing in awareness of ourselves and others. Get educated, get curious. What is this? If we don't understand, let's learn step two after we're starting to learn more and that becomes part of who we are, step two is listen more and judge less. The power of active listening is one of the best things when we're talking about inclusivity, when I've talked to families who have children with different disabilities or different differences. I'm going to tell you what that Mama often has said to me. I just wish people would just ask, instead of making an assumption, can we just have a conversation? What would help instead of pretending that you don't notice. Yeah, we're all noticing. Could we just listen more? Could we become better listeners and ask open ended questions? Not be fearful of making an approach to even ask a question, but let's listen when children are misbehaving or behaving differently than you expect in a Sunday school classroom. Could we ask the question? Maybe of them, maybe right there, maybe separately, maybe quietly, maybe with a family later. But what's difficult for you in this why is this so hard? What are you walking in with? What can we do to help instead of just a quick judgment, I mentioned earlier, people with chronic pain, there are people in your church right now with chronic pain, most of whom hide it and don't talk about it. But when we watch people who maybe are excited about event and don't show up, or maybe their attendance isn't quite what you would expect of them. Could we judge less and ask some questions? Oftentimes, their hearts want to be there, but their bodies aren't cooperating. So step two is listen more and judge less. Step three, step three toward including more and stop othering. Step three is just being mindful of our language. Let's pay attention and let's understand that it matters. I've shared in previous episodes about a community day that we have at our church. It's it's a potluck once a month. When I started these, maybe even a year ago, at this point, I was calling them family days. Now I'm aware of the word family of how that leaves people feeling left out, if they're single or maybe estranged, or maybe they have recently lost someone in their family, but in my mind, I was making it the lord of grace family. It's our church family where we all belong. But I'm telling you, just having that word in the title, people did not feel included. It did not matter how much I explained what I meant by it. So I stopped fighting it, and I changed the name of the event to it to be community day. This is a community day where everyone of all ages, everyone belongs. I'm telling you, our attendance changed overnight when I changed the name, the language matters, the word choice matters, the different words we use, the labels become stereotypes or feel dismissive to different people. Now, it can be really difficult, but it shows that we care. What is our wording, what are our our choices and. I'm just going to share a huge mistake that I made, even in the midst of doing this series on inclusivity. One thing that I've learned is that using people first language is so important. So referring to a child as an autistic child is not good these days. It's not because we're labeling a person, a human being, as though that's part of their identity. Instead of saying the preferred People First language would be saying a child with autism. If you think it doesn't matter, it does matter. This matters. This is part of being mindful of our language. Now the place where I messed up during the series, and I was trying to be very sensitive, okay, I was really trying to be careful. So before I put the description together for the podcast, before we published it, I would share it with the guest on the episode, and I shared it with them saying, hey Joanne, Hey Sandy. This is the description I have for this podcast episode. Could you please proofread it for me? I want to make sure it's accurate, and I also want to make sure it's sensitive. And one of the episode descriptions that I shared did not have people first language, and someone was honoring me, honoring me enough to share with me, hey, that's a little bit difficult. Instead of saying a wheelchair bound person, could we say a person with a disability? Instead of saying an autistic child? Could we say a child with autism. And if you think it shouldn't matter, it does matter, be mindful of our language. If you're not sure, like I'm not sure, oftentimes, just ask, first ask, and when we mess up, we just say, I am so sorry. I will do better, but we need to care about it. So step three is just be mindful of language. Step four is, make changes. Create spaces that are more, that allow equal participation. Make accommodations. Now, what can we do in step four, I want to say I know we can't do everything, but what can we do? Remember some of the simple things that have been mentioned in this series. Put out a sensory table. Provide earplugs. That speaks volumes as we're asking questions. When there's something we can do, let's not dismiss it, but let's do it. Can we build a ramp in our front entrance? I know it's expensive. I know it can mean changing some landscaping. I know it can mean losing a parking space, but what would putting a ramp in the main entrance of your church. What would it mean? What would it speak? How about changing the space where that meeting is held, that it's in a place that's accessible, that isn't upstairs, where there is no elevator, just changing our meeting spaces. Let's make some changes. Let's make some accommodations where we can that's step four, and step five is advocate for change. Let's speak up. Let's have a conversation. One of my favorite conversations over the past couple months was with Joanne Peterson, who spoke about mobility. The cool thing about Joanne, about this conversation, is we met a few years back in a soul shepherding Institute. Joanne is a beautiful person. I didn't see her social media presence very much like we had connected. But just recently, I'd been seeing some posts that she was making on accessibility, on the percentage of people who have mobility issues, on different things like that. And I reached out to her and said, Hey, would you be on the podcast? Why am I just now seeing this? And she said, Oh, just recently, I have been sharing more. I've been speaking more, because being in a wheelchair, she hadn't been speaking or even being an advocate for herself for many years, of not wanting to draw attention to it, right, but realizing now she had this awakening in recent years that, you know, if I speak more, it's not just about me, it's about helping others. It's about helping churches understand what a difference it makes. It's about being a voice for someone else who has a disability or a mobility issue. Can I help make a change so you don't have to struggle with it or have. Have a disability or a mobility issue, or maybe in your in the neurodiversity area, you don't have to have a relative who struggles with, you know, fibromyalgia to speak for it. We can speak up for other people any day of the week. So let's be advocates for change in our churches, in our Sunday school classes, in our small groups. How a small action like speaking up in a meeting or amplifying the voice of someone else can make a difference? Can we be the one who says, Wait, how will Janine be able to come to that if it's at that restaurant? Or how could Matthew participate if we're doing a paintball activity for our youth. Or what about the family down the street? We've seen them. We might not know them, but if they wanted to come, what would that look like? So be an advocate for change. I think this entire series is so Jesus like and I have to be honest, I think I've made more mistakes over three decades of ministry than I have spoken into these topics, into inclusion. Even right now, as I speak, I can think of all the mistakes I made in children's ministry, in youth ministry, with strobe lights, with whistling, with flipping lights on and off with loudness, how often I was insensitive to people with sensory issues, or I dismissed an issue thinking I don't have time to accommodate that, or there's no way I could do that. Or, yes, even, hey, it was provided. Or, I guess you can't eat today. How sad and how convicted. And yet, I will also say this, if you're doing this in your mind too, and thinking about all the times you didn't, let's not go into a shame spiral at all and just just realize we know better now. So let's do better. Let's do better with the youth who are coming in and aren't really behaving in a churchy way, maybe because they don't even know what that is. They've never experienced it. Let's be advocates for change. So the five steps from today, again, we're not talking about every single issue. We can't highlight every single thing that would make somebody feel othered, but I'm going to tell you all these five steps can grow us in becoming places where we, I guess, ooze belonging like you belong here. Here's five simple steps to apply in any area. Number one, grow in awareness, self awareness. Other, awareness, even of your own biases. Learn more. Step two, listen more and judge less. Please. Let's grow in curiosity about why people aren't coming about, why they're speaking differently, about what we could do differently to be more inclusive. Number three, be mindful of language. Yes, your choice of words matters. If you don't know ask, let's just do better. Number four, make changes, move into some accommodations, do what we can, instead of dismissing it all because it feels like too much. And step five is just being an advocate for change. Let's use our voices to speak up for people, maybe who've been marginalized, maybe who've been unseen, maybe people who can't speak for themselves, or maybe people that we just want to do better in including and belonging. I hope that this series has meant something to you in your hearts, because it certainly has for me, this is an area I am growing in day by day, minute by minute, even mistake by mistake, but I'm committing to doing better. So what is one thing that you can do as a result of today, as a result of this series, instead of just growing in information and taking in more and learning more as we tend to do, what can we actually do and change, whether it's small or big, in your church as a whole, in your classroom, in the small group where you teach, in the worship setting. Maybe it's in your welcome area, in your church and you've been thinking, I can do that better. Maybe it's in your own home where you realize you have a step, and some people can't get up that step. What can we do to stop othering and start including more? And I really do believe this is more like Jesus. Thanks for spending your time with me, whether it's just today or throughout this entire series. I just want to remind you and me that this area of inclusion is a continuous process. It's not a one time thing, it's not a project, it's a priority, it's a lifestyle, it's a change, it's a decision that we're just gonna do better. So thanks again for listening in as always. If you find hope and encouragement and help from this podcast, please leave a review. Give us some stars or follow the link to actually leave a review, especially on Apple podcast that really helps out a lot. It helps other people find this podcast. There are so few people talking speaking directly into small church ministry. And let's just be real, small churches are normal sized churches. There are more small churches on the planet than any other size church, and there is a movement of small churches realizing their influence in their calling, making a difference in their churches, and yet there are still tons of small churches out there who feel very isolated, who feel like they're failing, who don't understand their worth and their unique calling. Being the small congregation, the family church that they are under 200 under 100 under 50. No matter where you're at and what size your church is, you are a satellite of God's church called to a unique setting, a unique place, a unique community. So let's keep on being that light. Please share this podcast with someone you know, and again, if you haven't let yet left a review, please go ahead and do that, because that helps people find us. So all right, we've got more coming. Can't wait to talk to you again next week. So be a light you